07:47:58 am on
Monday 24 Jun 2024

Talking of Marriage
Matt Seinberg

There's a fellow at work, let's call him Harry; he’s 52 years old, and has never been married. He came close once, actually engaged until they called it off. Every time we ask why they called it off, he makes up a different story, so we never know what to believe.

Top 10 reasons Harry isn't married.

Some of the other fellows and me came up with a list of Top 10 Reasons why Harry hasn't gotten married. Away we go!

10) He thinks he's a "player." He really isn't.

9) He likes to stay out until 4 am and drag himself to work the next day, looking like a hound dog.

8) He's smart enough to know better.

7) He likes dating too much, no matter what the cost.

6) Why buy when you can lease?

5) His biological clock can't tell time. It's always late.

4) Commitments terrify him. That's why he can't even have a pet.

3) No woman will ever be as good as his ex-fiancé.

2) He will never leave the other two stooges. Think of Moe, Larry and Curly. Harry is Curly.

The Number 1 reason Harry will never get married is that he's a metro sexual, whatever that means.

Marriage is not for everyone.

Sure, marriage can be hard and it's not for everyone. I believe there is someone out there for anyone, no matter what sex, orientation, religion or ethnicity you are. Since the Supreme Court found that same-sex couple could marry, the chance of meeting someone and falling in love has doubled.

Did you know the main reason most couples fight is over money? That's certainly a shocker to mem not.

The second reason is on how to raise their children. My favourite answer to my girls is, "Go ask your mother." I do that just to get them riled up, because in most cases, I do make the decision.

If you're thinking of getting married, get all your ducks in a row. Date for a year, engage for a year and make all your plans. That includes finding a place to hold the wedding, have the party and get registered for all those great gifts you want from Bed, Bath and Beyond.

Of course, the real fun part is planning the honeymoon and having wild monkey sex before having to go back to the normal life.

In closing, get married, have fun, make children and work for the rest of your natural life, because your spouse and kids will suck the life-blood right out of you.

Oh yeah, I've been married for 23 years.
















Matt Seinberg lives on Long Island, a few minutes east of New York City. He looks at everything around him and notices much. Somewhat less cynical than dyed in the wool New Yorkers, Seinberg believes those who don't see what he does like reading about what he sees and what it means to him. Seinberg columns revel in the silly little things of life and laughter as well as much well-directed anger at inept, foolish public officials. Mostly, Seinberg writes for those who laugh easily at their own foibles as well as those of others.

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